Fingers shaking, insides vibrating
I boarded the plane.
Back to the city.
"Just water, please"
"I mean Ginger Ale"
"No, just water."
Tears in my eyes.
"Are you okay?" 11-B said.
"Yes, It's just hard"
"To fly?"
Then I told her.
Then
she
hugged
me
"I have grand children too"
And I realized that the hardest part of flying
is leaving the ground.
And that the hardest part of leaving
Is Being Left Behind.
I have been reclusive for the past few weeks, and I thought that it was about time that I spoke about what is going on in my life. Anyone who knows me well, knows that my family is a huge part of my life, and certain members of said family have played a strong part in making me who I am today. One of those family members is my maternal grandmother, Granny J.
I have got hundreds of stories about Granny J, from saving my life many times (literally) to falling asleep in fried rice. Granny and I had a very special relationship. Born a little less than 70 years ago, Granny J was a true Southern Woman. She brought herself up from nothing (literally--she lived in a boxcar for a while) to become a force to be reckoned with.
On May 1, Granny thought that she was developing pneumonia, so she went into the hospital. While there, the doctors thought that she may have had a heart attack. Later she went on to have a heart cath and repair of an aortic aneurysm. All the time I was here in NYC waiting to be able to speak to her after she got out of the intensive care unit. Finally, I was able to speak to her.
On the morning of May 11th, I received a phone call that Granny J had a major stroke while in the unit, and it had affected her left side. I was told to come on home. (I had just spoken to Granny on Thursday, and she couldnt wait to get home--She was sitting up, eating, and getting ready to go to rehab from her surgery). Apparently Friday evening she threw a huge clot.
When I got home Saturday afternoon, it didnt look good. She was unable to speak, swallow, move or do anything. She was responsive, but uncomfortable. Being a trauma nurse for her life, Granny had wishes that she receive no artificial nutrition or any life support whatsoever. Basically, for the next week, the only thing she had in her body was morphine. Hospice came in to help prepare the family for the upcoming death, and they were great. I had dealt with them when my other grandmother passed, and knew how wonderful they are.
From May 11th until May 30th, I kept a silent vigil beside Granny's hospital bed. Holding her hand and watching her die. I vascillated between anger and utter peace. There is something very beautiful about letting someone leaving this world with the dignity that they displayed while in this world.
would have no viewing, and no funeral. She said "if people didn't come see me when I was alive, I sure as hell don't want them looking at me when I am dead". With a reluctant chuckle, we all agreed that we would keep those wishes. At some point in the near future, Granny J and Granddaddy J's cremains will be scattered into the Gulf of Mexico off of Gulf Shores--their oasis.If you tune into HGTV tomorrow at 3:30 Eastern, you will see Justen and I on FREE STYLE.
It also will be re-airing on the 14th.
As a blogger, I pretty much know that no matter what I say or post on here, I have agreed that it be available to everyone in the world. As you also may not know, my most read blog on here is one I posted a while back called Diarrhea Donut Shop. This post (which you may also visit too) is the one that brings most of my visitors. For whatever reason, people search for "diarrhea" or "watery bowels" and my blog comes up. Anyways, regarding a photo I have posted there I received my first flame. The language is quite bad, so I will post it after the jump... you ass hole, stupid, how dare you put that picture of an epidemic child to illustrate such vanal and careless comentary. who the hell do you think you are? i wish you die from a diarrea, like a lot of people in the world who dont leisurely walk!!Anonymous said...
I have a few things to say to this. FIRST, I wish that people that comment or judge me please use capital letters to begin their sentences. Secondly, I think that the last sentence is a death threat. Thirdly, if you are ballsy enough to call me an "ass hole" please also be "vanal" enough to leave your name or email address. What the hell does "vanal" mean?
Now, I pose to you, my other two readers...should I leave this comment up, or delete it?
UPDATE: "vanal" is indeed not a word. Also, judging from the commenter's spelling of diarrhea (diarrhea), this person speaks Spanish. (This is the Spanish word for watery bowels.) Please see other translations HERE. (I, too, have misspelled the word.) The correct English Spelling of the word is....Diarrhea. The British spell it diarrhoea. Please see article here.
