Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Sorry that I have to do this, but here goes...these are some things that I am completely tired of. Completely.

1)Stinky Sweaty People with No Deodorant: Last time I checked there were hundreds of bottles of deodorant and anti-perspirant at the store. I am so tired of my entire neighborhood smelling like a sweaty third-world armpit. This is America. We hate body odor. You have it. Get a clue. Can't you tell that people's noses squinch when you are near? If there can be a law that we have to wear seatbelts, then there should be one that we have to wear deodorant. Its a matter of public health.

2) Flip Flops: Women. If you have on a cute outfit, $300 worth of makeup, and cheap shower shoes with black dirty calloused feet that have a french manicure---i hope that you fall into the subway tracks.

3)Hispanic Men: You have got to stop playing with your balls. If they itch, nonchalantly scratch them. Dont walk down the street holding them. We arent going to try to take them. They are not going to escape. The macho act has got to go.

4)Guido Haircut: How many times do you have to be told. You look horrible. No gay man would ever be caught dead with that hairstyle. Take a clue. You look rediculous...and its dangerous to your fellow humans. How long does it take you to make that piece of work? Oh, and dont do it to your kids. They dont know how ugly they look.

5)Panhandlers: no. you may not have a cigarette, a dollar, my coke, my biscuit or anything else. Stop riding the subway after days of pissing yourself. I know that you dont have a home, but even when I am not at my home, I can still manage to remove my clothes before I pee. Even if I have to emergency pee in the alley.

6)Ladies with Babies: Where in the fuck are you going at rush hour? I know it is not to work, because you have triple decker strollers with babies stacked all over the place. I know that you can pick up your welfare AFTER rush hour. Please clear the streets. We need the sidewalks in the morning and in the afternoon. Let us have it. It is all we ask. Get out of the way! Stay home! We're trying to get to work and your shitty-diapered, tit-clinging, milk-breathed infant is in my way. OH dont breast-feed in public. Noone wants to see a drippy tit. Thanks.

7)Young Girls: Please make sure that your shirt covers the rolls of fat that are cascading over the top of your hip-hugging extra-tight jeans. Better yet...stop dressing like that for one month. During that one month, stick your finger down your throat and throw up everything you eat. When you no longer have hair or a period, you may again wear the outfit. Thanks. Anorexia and Bullemia are such great looks. Try it. Oh, ease up on the make-up. You look like a whore. There will be plenty of time to look like a whore when you are trying to fuck your way through high school. Thanks.

Dont hate me because I am honest. I am just trying to help people out. Thanks.


Tim said...

Brilliance! I agree point for point. Can we post these on large signs around public transportation outlets?

Brooke said...

And that is why i wear flip-flops and stick my finger down my throat :)

Anonymous said...

you rock my everloving world.

Anonymous said...

Nice dispatch and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you on your information.